Why won’t they commit to me?

You’re at that stage in your life where you feel ready to settle down with your partner and you truly believe you’ve found your soul mate, but for some reason your partner isn’t showing any sign of wanting to do the same. You might not be looking for marriage or children just yet, but it’s reassuring knowing that some day it could happen, but when you’re with a partner who appears unable to show any sign of commitment, it will certainly give you reason for reservation.

There are a number of possible reasons for their inability to commit to you, some of which may have very little to do with you personally. Knowing about their past relationships will give you an idea of why they’re avoiding anything more serious than casual dating. If they’ve been badly hurt in the past by an ex, or they went through a breakup just before getting together with you, it’s likely they’re still thinking about their ex and the relationship they had with them. Until the ex is out of their thoughts, the chances of your relationship moving forward isn’t likely as there will always be a comparison to your relationship and their past relationship which ended badly.

Your partner could just be enjoying the way your relationship is now and doesn’t feel the need to change something that is working well for them. They may find the balance between work, friends, hobbies, alone time and you just right, but to you it feels like you’re not an important part in their life. This doesn’t mean they don’t want to be with you, it just means they see things differently and other parts of their life are important too. You may feel they’re being selfish, but as long as they’re giving you their full attention when you see them, it shows they’re still interested in you.

If your relationship has drastically changed from when you were first dating and they’re spending less and less time with you, then your partner could be someone who enjoys the chasing and flirting part of dating. After a while they get bored and distance themselves from you and look for excitement in finding someone new to date. If you notice their behaviour is strange at times and they tell unbelievable stories about where they’ve been or why they haven’t been in touch, then it’s possible they’re dating other people. They might admit it to your face implying they didn’t know you were being exclusive and they were simply keeping their options open, or they might deny seeing other people, but the doubt will already be in your mind. It’s unlikely you’ll manage to change someone like this, so don’t waste unnecessary time on him or her.

By mentioning marriage and having children in the future, you could have scared them off, even if you meant much further in the future. It’s possible they feel pressurised into a serious relationship and they react by not committing to you, which is the opposite effect to what you want. You might feel comfortable discussing these serious topics, but your partner obviously isn’t quite ready. Not everyone is prepared to take on responsibility for others, especially when it comes to being ill or emotions, so the thought of comforting you when you are sad, or looking after you when you’re ill could send your partner into panic mode, resulting in them distancing themselves from you.

If you have children from a previous relationship, it can unfortunately put some people off having a serious relationship with you. They may enjoy spending time with you and genuinely really like you, but the thought of taking on responsibility for your kids too, even if you don’t expect anything from them, can terrify them causing them to back off from you. Alternatively if your partner has children, it could be the case that they don’t want to settle down with you because they have other responsibilities that they put before their own relationship, but they enjoy spending time with you in a more casual level.

It could just be that as much as your partner likes being with you, you’re just not ‘the one’. They enjoy spending time with you and do genuinely like you, but they can’t see you having a future together, so for now they’re enjoying the company until they find what they’re looking for in a long-term partner. People do unfortunately get used in this way, especially if you are offering a physical relationship, which is often all some people are after, so make sure you’re not just being used in this way and end up wasting valuable time.

New look and messaging system

Completely Free Dating are pleased to announce the introduction of a new look and messaging system to all four Completely Free Dating websites.

New Look

The changes in the new look are quiet subtle, we have lightened up the background colour so it is not so overwhelming, rounded off some corners, added some drop shadows and changed to using features built into the web browser to achieve these, to help improve page load speed.

New Messaging System

We have made significant changes to the messaging system to help improve the user experience. The changes we have made are as follows:

New Inbox

The inbox has been completely re-built with all the features now in one place. From the inbox you can now view, reply, delete and archive conversations and switch to view the archived conversations. We have also added a new feature that allows you to report a conversation to the site administrator if you feel the content is inappropriate.

New Message Conversation View

We have revised the message conversation view to now show the message conversation much more clearly. The style is similar to a smart phone text message style display which a lot of users will be familiar with. Also the whole conversation is now shown without having to expand or collapse the messages, as was required previously.

Live Updates

The site now features “live updates” which will let you know straight away if you have a new message. These updates appear in several different places:

  1. In the “Members Menu” a number appears next to the “Inbox” option to tell you how many unread messages you have in your inbox. If you receive a new message while you are on the site this number will update automatically, even without reloading the page.
  2. If you are viewing the “inbox” and you receive a new message this will automatically show the unread conversation at the top of the inbox in “bold” (indicating unread) and will update even if you don’t reload the page.
  3. If you are viewing a conversation and a new message is added to that conversation it will automatically appear, creating the possibility to have a “live” chat with another member.

Future Updates

Following on from point 3 above, we will be adding some additional features very soon which will allow you to see which other members are currently “online” extending the possibility to have live chats. This update will land in the next couple of months so keep an eye on the blog for details.

Comments

As always we welcome your comments and views on the latest updates, please leave a comment here or via our Facebook page.

Happy New Year

Happy new year to all our members and hope you have a great 2012.

Update to photo adding process

We have just release an update to the site that we are quiet excited about. This update is to the photo adding part of the account settings. We have made two major changes to this. Firstly, the “upload” option has been greatly improved, both for the user and on the server side to improve the experience of uploading photos to profile. Secondly (and most excitingly) we have added a new options to get photos on your profile, the “Get from Facebook” option. To use this option, simply click the option and follow the instructions, it very simply.

If you have any problems or questions please email us at questions@completelyfreedating.co.uk.

Server issues

Just to let you all know we have had a couple of server issues this morning, particularly with our mail server, however it is all fixed now and all the outstanding mail has now been set. Sorry for any inconvenience this might have caused you.

Top 10 First Date Ideas Tips

Going on a first date, need some ideas of what to do to make it as good as possible? Check out our top 10 first date ideas tips for inspiration.

Dating a Friend

Thinking of dating a friend? If so check out our dating a friend advice article to help you decide if it is a good idea and what to do and not to do if you decide to go for it.

Completely Free Dating New Zealand has arrived…

We are please to announce today that Completely Free Dating New Zealand has arrived. If you in New Zealnd and looking for a free online dating website then look no further, visit www.completelyfreedating.co.nz and join now.

Are you typical?

National Geographic Magazine has been looking at stats and has come up with what makes the typical person, it’s pretty interesting, take a watch:

Completely Free Dating Australia has arrived…

It been a while in the making but we are please to announce today that Completely Free Dating Australia has arrived. If you in Australia and looking for a free online dating website then look no further, visit www.completelyfreedating.com.au and join now.